10 May 2014

Is Arguing Good or Bad?

We have recently learned from research that an unhappy marriage, where conflict and frequent arguments occur between couples, can triple the chances of a man having an early death due to stress and anxiety related illnesses.
A landmark study, by Professor Rikke Lund, into the health hazards of conflicted families and private lives has found that endless fighting with a spouse can in fact be the death of you, especially if you are out of work - and riskier still if you are a man. Women reported much the same stresses from a demanding spouse but it was less likely to kill them. The Danish study tracked the family relationships and health patterns of 10,000 men and women aged between 36 and 52 over 10 years. It found 6 per cent of men and 4 per cent of women went to an early grave.
The main cause, according to the study, was the risk of death by cancer, followed by heart disease, stroke, liver disease, and suicide. However, the researchers say at least 50% of the deaths could have been prevented if the person had not also been suffering from the added burden of a hostile marriage, difficult relationships with their children and often very little freedom to avoid arguments after a job loss, when men became isolated in despair.
Professor Lund claims: ‘not all arguments will end up having this deadly end, but in general if you have these stressful relations, very frequently it will lead to an increased risk of terminal illness brought on by stress’ Arguments can lead to healthier relationships if there is resolution and they are framed in a constructive way in order to renew and regenerate deteriorating relationships. The research contradicts other studies that find married men fare better, live longer and are healthier. Professor Lund says that may be true generally, but it depends on the relationship and whether couples can repair the rift after conflict in meaningful and constructive ways.

As mentioned already, unemployment was also found to be a factor. Lund says: ‘What we were able to identify were that people who were unemployed were more vulnerable to these kind of stressful relationships, as were men who had these worries and demands from increasingly hostile partners.’

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