Counselling Twickenham | Enduringmind

Counselling Twickenham | Enduringmind

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Tips for Overcoming Exam Stress

Exam Stress:

Lots of things can trigger feelings of anxiety and stress, especially during exam season. However, there are ways to deal with stress and anxiety using these tips on keeping calm under pressure. Stress and anxiety are normal responses to a perceived threat – real or imagined. Everyone gets anxious. It's the feeling we have when faced with something we're frightened of, though usually in response to a perceived threat in the future e.g. I am going to fail my exam, I am going to disappoint my parents, I am not going to be able to get a job.

Although, this perceived threat is usually disproportionate to the reality. And this fear triggers our ‘fight and flight’ response which is a physiological response in the sympathetic nervous system - triggering hormones like adrenalin and cortisol, which increase your heart rate, making you sweat, tremble and leading to a shortness of breath. Exams are a good example. We all worry about them, we tell ourselves "I know I'm going to fail", our heartbeat and breathing speed up as we walk into the hall to find our seat. This makes our thoughts race ahead of us; seeking out the signals for danger. When these aren’t found because there are no immediate signs of danger (e.g. a lion attacking me, an imminent disaster), our brain goes into a cycle of negative thinking and anticipates the worst possible outcome without relief.

A low level of stress is sometimes helpful – when it used to motivate us to meet a deadline or to predict and problem-solve. But sometimes anxiety becomes a problem. If you answer yes to any of these, you may be suffering from anxiety:

Do you get into a cycle of worry a lot of the time?

Do you feel constantly on edge?

Do you get shortness of breath or panic attacks?

Do you start to sweat or tremble?

Do you have nervous tics e.g. tapping your foot?

Do you feel tense in your back, neck and shoulders?

Do you get anxious about stuff other people are relaxed about?

Have you started to avoid situations that cause anxiety?

Is it starting to get in the way of your life?

These are symptoms of anxiety. Don't beat yourself up or get angry – this increases anxiety. Sometimes anxiety is triggered by stressful and difficult events in our lives: Family break-up. Death. Illness. Bullying. Distressing experiences that puts us on our guard and makes us get anxious about other things.

Tips to help deal with anxiety:

Deep breathing - simple but effective because it uses a physiological process to relive the physical symptoms of anxiety and stress hormones in the body. Breathe in and out slowly; find your own rhythm; three seconds in through the nose, three seconds out through the mouth. Pause momentarily, then try again. Try breathing using your tummy to extend your diaphragm and not your chest - it will encourage deeper breaths. Keep at it for 3-5 minutes.

Ditch caffeine, alcohol and cigarettes. Detox your mind with enough water and even camomile tea, which has a calming effect. Drugs will also mess with your mind so steer clear.

Exercise. Go for a sauna. Get a massage. The biggest chill out remedy out there. Go get sweaty to release the stress hormones and lactic acid that has built up in your muscles, keeping them tense and strained. 

Try to stop fixating on the bad stuff. For every negative worry or thought: "I am useless at maths", chuck in a positive one "But I am amazing at art". 

Make a list of all the things you're stressing over. With immediate issues, prioritise and solve them as you go throughout your daily routines. Take your time, go slow. If you rush you will increase anxiety levels. With medium term problems; put down a date and time when you can solve them. With problems where there are no clear solutions, physically tear them off your list and discard them in the bin, as it is pointless worrying about them. Be disciplined and don’t let your mind wander back to them.

Is Arguing Good or Bad?

We have recently learned from research that an unhappy marriage, where conflict and frequent arguments occur between couples, can triple the chances of a man having an early death due to stress and anxiety related illnesses.

A landmark study, by Professor Rikke Lund, into the health hazards of conflicted families and private lives has found that endless fighting with a spouse can in fact be the death of you, especially if you are out of work - and riskier still if you are a man. Women reported much the same stresses from a demanding spouse but it was less likely to kill them. The Danish study tracked the family relationships and health patterns of 10,000 men and women aged between 36 and 52 over 10 years. It found 6 per cent of men and 4 per cent of women went to an early grave.

The main cause, according to the study, was the risk of death by cancer, followed by heart disease, stroke, liver disease, and suicide. However, the researchers say at least 50% of the deaths could have been prevented if the person had not also been suffering from the added burden of a hostile marriage, difficult relationships with their children and often very little freedom to avoid arguments after a job loss, when men became isolated in despair.

Professor Lund claims: ‘not all arguments will end up having this deadly end, but in general if you have these stressful relations, very frequently it will lead to an increased risk of terminal illness brought on by stress’ Arguments can lead to healthier relationships if there is resolution and they are framed in a constructive way in order to renew and regenerate deteriorating relationships. The research contradicts other studies that find married men fare better, live longer and are healthier. Professor Lund says that may be true generally, but it depends on the relationship and whether couples can repair the rift after conflict in meaningful and constructive ways.

As mentioned already, unemployment was also found to be a factor. Lund says: ‘What we were able to identify were that people who were unemployed were more vulnerable to these kind of stressful relationships, as were men who had these worries and demands from increasingly hostile partners.’

http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counsellor-articles/how-to-argue-guidance-from-couples-counselling-and-relationships

Counselling in Twickenham | Enduring Mind | Couples Counselling

Mindfulness - Counselling In Richmond

Counselling Richmond | Enduring Mind | Greg Savva

Your mental & physical health is probably the single most important human endeavour for us to attend to. And yet with our values so firmly placed on the diversions of modern – making money, entertainment & new technologies – we rarely take the time to develop our inner lives beyond the material world and our intellectual life. What of meditative reflection? Or attending to our five senses in a mindful, considerate way? What about a more sensitive awareness of our emotional life?

All these things are neglected in the name of 'being realistic'. Time, work and earning cold hard cash. These are modern anxieties. And necessities. But that is not the whole story. We have seen as well as a better standard of living, a longer lifespan and more comfortable lifestyle, we are also paying the cost of not caring for ourselves our showing more compassion to others.

As a human being, as well as a psychotherapist, I share these same struggles and concerns. How do I exercise and stick to a healthy diet? How do I spend time more time with my family? What can I do for others? These are all issues we face when we look into the mirror each morning and ask ourselves have I really achieved what I was put on this planet to do.

There are many defences we can employ to avoid reflecting on these difficult questions. However, the meaning of life is not something to be sneered at or derided as a trivial pursuit, which is somehow beyond our busy and hectic lives. How do we find a balance for exercise, work, art and wellbeing? It is not a difficult conundrum to solve.

We can steal moments here and there to develop a mindful awareness of our bodies and minds. And this is something we need to pass on to the next generation who are ever more prone to the insipid illusions of the virtual world. Rather than wealth, property or any grand inheritance trust, what our children really need to learn is how to be happy in their own skin: to have a sense of self-acceptance. I have developed many ways to help clients find the time and space for mindfulness in their lives.

Counselling In Twickenham - likes Place2be

The Duchess of Cambridge is currently the Royal Patron of Place2Be

The princess recently visited a therapeutic counselling scheme to help children deal early on in their lives with the impact of substance abuse and alcoholism. As the princess is a patron of such a laudible therapeutic organisation I am fully supportive of her in bringing the glare of media attention to this noble cause.

The Duchess of Cambridge recently launched a counselling scheme which aims to reduce the impact of substance abuse addiction on children in Manchester. And i know the area well as I did my teacher training in the very area she visited. So good luck to the staff, volunteers and children at The Willows Primary School in Wythenshawe. I now work at Counselling In Twickenham and Counselling In Richmond areas to help counsel adults and young people with addictions

The new programme is made up of a specialist partnership between two charities; Place2Be and Action on Addiction. The counselling programme is currently piloted in Wythenshawe and Tower Hamlets. Action on Addiction has the expertise to train, supervise and support Place2Be counsellors as they deliver counselling to young people whose lives have been blighted by the misery of drugs and alcohol abuse. In a speech at the school the Princess mentioned: "Addiction is a hugely complex and destructive disease and its impact is devastating. Lives and families can be shattered by it. My hope is through this specialist delivery of care, children of affected parents will have the best possible start in life - one they deserve."

The counselling scheme is also supported by Comic Relief and the Royal Foundation. Statistics prove over more than a million children in the UK live in homes where parental substance abuse has a detrimental impact on their well-being and education. Let's hope the scheme receives enough financial support, kudos and status with her support so that it may survive.

Counselling Richmond | Enduring Mind | Greg Savva | Mindfulness

Counselling Richmond | Enduring Mind | Greg Savva

What is Happening to me now?

You may have asked yourself this question many times before without coming to a satisfactory answer – either because you didn’t have time; you were feeling anxious, or easily distracted. Not having time or space to reflect on our lives, comes at a great cost to us in the modern world. Often we don't even have time to sit and eat with our family, have a quiet conversation with a friend, or enjoy the full restfulness of sleep. This can lead to the build up of stress, illness, anxiety and depression. It can lead to angry outbursts, emotional withdrawal and put us into conflict with friends, children and partners. At Counselling In Richmond, Enduring Mind, if a client wants to I can offer to help bring about self-awareness in counselling through learning from Mindfulness.

Mindfulness is a solution to this. It is a way of being present with ourselves - by paying attention to what is happening to us now. Creating the conditions in body and mind for a state of open-mindedness, by living in the moment. Mindfulness helps us develop an attitude of tolerance and non-judgementalism - with ourselves and others. It helps generate self-acceptance. Replacing rigid patterns of thinking and behaving for a more flexible approach and ability to adapt. It means we stop grasping onto the illusion that things are premanent. And it helps us to let go of our fears - fear of abandonment, discomfort, emotional pain or a world without possessions. We can still live normal everyday lives, but also provide some space and time to train our minds and become more self-aware - letting go of distressing memories from the past and preventing us from projecting our fears into the future. But mindfulness does not come at the expense of living in the real world with all its demands on our time and need to multi-task. You might think of it as a middle way. A sort of centre ground – which allows us to create a more balanced way of being in the world. So what is this elusive quality that could bring about inner peace – I hear you ask. It’s not anything new or esoteric. It’s as ordinary as drinking water or breathing air. A way of acknowledging our instincts and being open to all our senses.

Mindfulness is a way of being present in the living moment. It is about developing a sense of embodied experience. At Counselling In Richmond, Enduring Mind, I help clients to cultivate self-awareness and a state of relaxed concentration in order to step-back and reflect on life. As human beings, we may achieve this when we pay attention to our bodily sensations, or enter a state of meditative reflection. Mindfulness is not unattainable. It is a way of being; available to all us. It has been practiced by virtually all human societies, at all times. Mindfulness is a condition that is hard-wired into the human brain - even as babies we practice it instinctively to make sense of our world. Recent advances in neuropsychology have proved this, but it is a tradition that goes back thousands of years – found among people who develop some kind of reflective practice: such as meditation, prayer, reflection or yoga. But mindfulness does not belong to religion. You may have noticed yourself being caught in a moment of quiet reflection as you studied your natural surroundings, or explored your inner feelings. Only to feel a sense of inner peace, as all aspects of your being coalesced into one unified whole. This sense of union may have happened with a loved one as an intimate moment passed between you; while feeling at one with yourself as you take in the natural world; or even as you noticed your inner reflections bubble up to the surface of your mind.

On my website I have a number of self-help pages a blog and Mindfulness techniques to help with anxiety, depression, PTSD, panic attacks, phobias, compulsive behaviours et.c

Google+ https://plus.google.com/108007106468580653081/posts?hl=en

How Anxiety Works in the Human Body

New scientific discoveries have recently revealed how the human body responds to the hormones that cause anxiety and stress - such as the fight and flight response. I have long been aware in my research how neuroscience can help provide sources of evidence and methodology into my counselling practice. At Enduringmind, Counselling in Twickenham I have many clients who are suffering with deeply ingrained patterns of anxiety – including generalised anxiety disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, panic attacks, phobias and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I firmly believe that these conditions have their roots in our evolutionary past, our childhood development and the physiological responses to stress. Now it turns out that we know more and more about how anxiety and stress is transmitted from brain to body and vice versa, not only in terms of how stress hormones – such as adrenalin and cortisol – are transmitted through our neuronal network from the limbic system, but right down to the molecular level through microscopic cells....

World Mental Health Day

Today is the 20th annual World Mental Health Day and it is no accident that the theme is "Depression: A Global Crisis."

Again this acts as a stark reminder that Mental Health is not an issue we can hope to wish away simply because it remains an invisible blight; locked away in the minds of millions suffering from mental ill health. It is also a timely reminder that a divided society and broken economy has an ever increasing destructive impact on the quality of all our lives – old and young, rich and poor and a diverse number of ethnic and social backgrounds.

‘According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), depression affects more than 350 million people of all ages, in all communities, and is a significant contributor to the global burden of disease. Although there are known effective treatments for depression, access to treatment is a problem in most countries and in some countries fewer than 10% of those who need it receive such treatment.’

The point of Mental Health Day is that it is designed to raise public awareness about mental health issues across the globe. The day is about promoting an open discussion/debate about mental disorders, improvements in prevention, promotion and treatment in mental health services.

‘UK insurance firm Aviva has found from its Health of the Workplace 2012 report, published on Monday, that while employees are generally feeling less stigma in the workplace, a third  still feel that mental health remains a 'taboo' subject that is seldom talked about. Over half of employees think that physical illness will always carry less stigma than mental health.’

‘The report also found that of those who feel stigma has decreased, around half (48%) of employees attribute this to a better understanding of mental health among peers and colleagues. Over a third of employees say that TV and press campaigns, such as Mind's 'Time to Change' campaign, have helped remove the stigma associated with mental health problems.’

That does not mean that the stigma of mental health has gone away – it still causes pain, isolation, loneliness and fear – for those who suffer from it and their immediate family. Over a quarter of people believe that celebrities talking openly about their mental health has created an increasing awareness and understanding of the problem, while under a quarter of employees believe that the Government's mental health strategy has helped. But has it. It would seem that when government pulls out funding for mental health services in the NHS, charities, counselling agencies, GP funding for mental health and IAPT (improving access to psychological therapies)

Dr Wright, medical director for Aviva, UK Health, said: ‘Mental health is high on the agenda for both employees and employers in the UK. Employers have a vital role in helping to support those who are suffering from depression, anxiety or other psychiatric conditions.’

Kevin Friery, clinical director of workplace wellness at UK recruitment firm, Right Management, said: ‘The relationship between mental health and work has come into the spotlight of late for a number of reasons. Not only are businesses beginning to gain a better understanding of the positive benefits of engaging in employee wellness but Government is moving more firmly to promote a shift from welfare to work, and this inevitably means more people who may have been absent from work because of mental ill-health will be encouraged to re-enter the workplace’.

Ultimately this means that the government is determined to measure the costs-benefits ratio before funding any mental health services that it regards as beneficial. Again, government ministers allow themselves to be swayed by consultation with powerful lobby groups, NICE, business leaders and mental health charities, including the people investing so much research in the ‘quick-fix’ cure, lauded by CBT mental health professionals. Surely, the standard has to be – does it work. Not does it have verifiable research carried out by organisations with vested interests in winning tax payers money for their services. And if it does work; who should decide. Well surely it must be the patient, or the client seeking therapy. This is why I believe we must use more self-report surveys with individual counsellors from all backgrounds, therapies and theories on a national register who get paid by results, judged on the basis of patient/client feedback, not the best most popular representations and research carried out by organisations with vested interests, winning government contracts.

PTSD - enduringmind - Counselling in Twickenham

I was just reading the article about George Michael cancelling his tour of Australia after finally realising how much of a traumatic experience his illness had had on him, with the doctors diagnosing a form of PTSD. In case you're not aware, george Michael had a bout of life-threatening pneumonia and had been left emotionally scarred and traumatised by the incident. Trauma is described as:

a unique overwhelming experience of an event or enduring conditions, in which:

1. The individual's ability to integrate his/her emotional experience is overwhelmed, or

1. The individual experiences (subjectively) a threat to life, bodily integrity, or sanity. 

Thus, a trauma usually creates psychological trauma when it completely overwhelms the individual's ability to cope,and threatens their psychological and physical integrity. It leaves that person fearing death, annihilation, mutilation, or psychosis. The person may feel emotionally, cognitively, and physically obliterated. The circumstances of the event commonly include abuse of power, betrayal of trust, entrapment, helplessness, pain, confusion, and/or loss.

This definition of trauma includes responses to powerful incidents like accidents, natural disasters, crimes, surgeries, deaths, and other violent events. It also includes responses to chronic or repetitive experiences such as child abuse, neglect, combat, urban violence, concentration camps, battering relationships, and enduring deprivation. 

The statement by George Michael in the article said: "I have today announced the cancellation of the shows in Australia which breaks my heart. By way of explanation all I can say at this time is that since last year's illness I have tried in vain to work my way through the trauma that the doctors who saved my life warned me I would experience.

"They recommended complete rest and the type of post traumatic counselling which is available in cases like mine but I'm afraid I believed (wrongly) that making music and getting out there to perform for the audiences that bring me such joy would be therapy enough in itself."

To my mind many people try to ignore the symptoms in the form of panic attacks, hyper-arousal, flashbacks, avoidance behaviours, angry outbursts and dissociative states. These symptoms are often successful disguised by the person suffering anxiety/PTSD; who finds coping mechanisms but suffers with the impact for years afterwards. I remember my own experience of a life-threatening illness in Africa, when I contracted malaria. 

I was very lucky to survive in many respects. I had stopped taking the preventative medicine after hearing rumours that it can make the symptoms of malaria incurable if contracted. I was also fortunate to receive Fansidar treatment only after a week or so of contracting malaria. But, I have to say it really obliterated me. I suffered constant aching, flu-like symptoms in my joints, sickness, diarrhoea, powerful headaches, hot and cold sweats and bouts of delirium  I was lucky to make it back from Senegal alive after having to trek back to The Gambia 2000 km in a non-English speaking country, whilst effectively spending half my time in a dissociative state.

In the end the medicine cure was almost as bad as the illness itself. I lost 2-3 stone in weight and was barely able to keep solid food down. Thanks to my African friends, who gently and patiently nursed me back to health, I did survive. I had all kinds of fearful experiences after my recovery: nightmares, anxiety and a sense of panic. But again fortunately the traumatic symptoms did not last. I also have a number of family members who suffer partially with trauma and I worked with survivors at Portsmouth Area rape crisis Service; veterans and psychotic patients in a psychiatric hospital and clients with serious mental disorders at MIND. I love the work and I quickly specialised in psychological trauma of all-kinds.

As an psychotherapist, counsellor and anthropologist I am also fascinated by how different cultures/societies deal with collective trauma during war, persecution, migration and natural disasters. i have for example studied shamans, spirit mediums and faith healers who provide their communities with the means to heal their wounds. I would like to hear from anyone who could add to library of knowledge about the issue from anyone suffering/healing trauma from their own perspective. In the meantime, I run a counselling practice at Endurinmind, Counselling in Twickenham. 

Suicide Prevention - Enduringmind - Counselling in Twickenham

Bearing in mind we have just past the WHO World Suicide Prevention Day I wonder if there are any counsellors or clients for that matter who have recently experienced despair in themselves or others who wish to end their lives. 

I have also been reflecting on the man, Tony Nicklinson, who had 'locked-in syndrome' who recently lost his court case but just gave up living recently. I wonder if we have the right as human beings to end our lives (sacred as they are), or indeed do we have the right to insist that those who suffer keep on living (given the sacred right to freewill). 

And what does this say about those people who appear at our clinics who are 'at risk' of suicide. Must we be motivated to save them, or assist them in their act of ultimate withdrawal and freedom. if you wish to contribute to this comment here or on my website at:

Dirty Little

Savages

            We were little children then.

Innocent as newborn lambs, wild with mischief and giddy as the day is long. Our days spent roaming the secret hinterlands of childhood. Catching a glance of sun on our backs, as if we might flare up in moments. Such delicate, flimsy creatures and ripe for the picking like the scorched red berries of autumn.

Our youth so fleeting, it hurt.

By the end of summer we were gone in a blaze of fury and ephemeral colour.

           

Back then, was a time of tall tales and high spirits.

We were drunk on thin air – shrill as skylarks soaring above the clouds; trapped in a buzz of heady excitement. Newly liberated by the school vacations, we stripped bare to the waist; exposing our pale, unblemished bodies to the fierce sun. Wandering over moor and meadow: thrashing through the corn stalks, tramping over the scorched earth and the knot of withered heather.

We were masters of our own fate; rambling far and wide without a care in the world. It was 1976: the middle of a heat wave. Temperatures soared to 39˚ C. On those listless sultry days we would canals. We thought nothing of the risks to life and limb. Until that is, the girl with the blood-spattered dress stumbled into town.

She took us by surprise, alighting without warning. Her jagged mouth in a silent scream; face streaked with terror. All eyes turned on the intruder, as if she were a trick of the light or an apparition that just walked out of the heat haze.

            And then as she passed down the cobbled-stone streets between the rows of terraced houses and derelict mills, they dismissed her as if she had never existed. Children went dashing in and out of the burst standpipes as the sun stood over us in blinding miasma. Water penumbras obscuring our view under a spray of multi-coloured rainbows. For awhile, no one dared move, until some kid bowled into her, screaming blue murder.

His shriek shattering those halcyon days of summer forever.

There would be no peace in our rural idyll again. No façade of childlike innocence. Only the fleeting memory of her skulking through the screaming wake of children; dressed in a white linen smock. She had a fine fleece of hair, crisp blue eyes and pale lush lips. But most folk only saw the blood and simply stood there staring. Until she wandered over the brim of Ribbelsthwaite Hill and slipped out of sight.

Not long after she was taken into care. Abandoned into the fostering embrace of Elsie Branning the old spinster who took up residence near Gartside’s Mill. At first, knowledge of the girl set tongues aflame in the village. Then, she attracted a whirlwind of notoriety throughout the Dales. And without fuss or fanfare we marched on down to her shop, hands and faces pressed up to the windows, purveying the odd collection of dressmaker’s dolls and naked oriental mannequins. Each one with an eerie resemblance to a wax-dipped woman that chilled me to the bone.

I recall we spent our afternoons crowding into the hidden recesses of her shop, captivated by the lure of the waxen-faced doll. And then there was the woman herself – a rare oddity – this middle-class spinster, regally attired in her ornate turban and silk kimono. Made all the more exotic, by her eccentric mannerisms and brooding charm.

Old Elsie Branning and her guest soon became talk of the town.

On days when business was slow, she retired into her dressmaker’s workshop to make the same dress she had been working for twenty years – a white-lace wedding dress she would never wear, having lost her husband to-be in the War.

Counselling in Twickenham - enduringmind

If I could go through life as if it were a path of self-discovery I'd be a happy man. I'm a father now and most of my delight and pleasure comes from seeing the world through the eyes of my twin boys - Gabriel and Castor. The world from their perspective is one that was familiar to me as a child - filled with a sense of awe, mystery and wonder.

As a counsellor I am often looking for inspiration from my children to discover a new way of communicating, reflecting or seeing the world.